To Those Who Are Suicidal

By: Lauren Hawley (@Laurenhawley22)

Content warning: suicidal thoughts

Hey there. I know right now you are done. I know right now you want to end it. I know right now all you see is gray, and you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, but hold on. 

I know what it feels this way. To try to make it through the day, and to have to force yourself out of bed. I know what it's like to see gray, and no point in going on. And maybe you feel numb at this point, and I know it hurts, but hold on. And I know it hurts thinking every day that no one cares, but hang on. 

I know it may seem pointless to go on. I know you think that no one cares. But someone always cares, trust me on this. In this time think of the cousin, sibling, parent, grandparent, someone who cares about you. Think of that one person who you goes with you to everything. Think of them. Don't leave them. 

Two-three years ago I was in your position. I couldn't find a point to keep going, but for some reason, I did. And I remember one night so vividly. I was so close. I had written my note, and I was ready to leave the pain. Leave the world that I saw no light in and all I saw was gray, but I held on. And even today I'm not sure why. 

But let me tell you this. I didn't think I'd live to be 15; I didn't. But also let me say this. Every morning I wake up now, I'm more and more thankful I didn't end my life. I have so many great opportunities lined up, and I'm going to make something of my life. I'm more and more thankful I didn't end my life because I wouldn't have met my best friend who changed my life. 

When I was suicidal, I didn't think of my family, and I didn't think of my friends. I didn't believe that people loved me, and they cared. I just wanted it to end everything. And I'm so glad I didn't end it. I'm now 16, graduating a year early, and going to college for forensic investigations/criminal justice in hopes to become a CSI agent so I can help families and people who can't speak for themselves. I'm happier than I've ever been. I love the life I have, and I'm so thankful that I'm still here. So hold on. 

Hang on for a future friend who wouldn't know what to do without you. Hang on for the future that has so much to offer. You will never know what will happen in the future, and I'm not sure if I can promise you that it will get better. But please, hold on. Because what I can promise you, is that someone does care. And you may not know that person yet, but they will come into your life in the future and change your life. So please, hold on. 

•If you or someone you know is suicidal, please call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 where you can talk to someone 24 hours, seven days a week.

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