Pride Month Submission - Kelly Mozulay

Exist by Kelly Mozulay

When I was two, I learned to speak coherently.
I loved the way the words felt on my tongue.
I longed to be heard, to be noticed.
I would rattle off until my lips grew tired.
Talk. Talk. Talk.

When I was four, I was an inventor with a creative mind.
I turned away coloring books and made my own.
I would carefully plan and record my own ideas.
I created solutions for problems that hadn’t even existed yet.
Create. Create. Create.

When I was six, I stopped living in the present.
I realized there was such thing as the future.
I let my imagination run wild with passion.
I played pretend, becoming a veterinarian, a painter, a scientist.
Dream. Dream. Dream.

When I was eight, I was told not to talk so much.
I became quiet.
I believed I was obnoxious, a nuisance.
I sat back and followed what those above me had to say.
Listen. Listen. Listen.

When I was ten, I was nearly destroyed by the silence.
I discovered writing.
I wrote everything I wanted to say to the world.
I filled pages upon pages with thoughts and feelings no one would ever read.
Write. Write. Write.

When I was twelve, I couldn’t find any more words.
I scoured dictionaries to find a word that would describe how I felt.
I realized that words weren’t enough.
I took a pencil to paper to express myself through images.
Draw. Draw. Draw. 

When I was fourteen, I kissed a girl.
I realized it was wrong to like it.
I knew my actions and feelings were not accepted.
I pushed these desires deep down inside of me.
Hide. Hide. Hide. 

I am sixteen now, I just simply
Exist. 

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