MHAM Submission - Roze

This was more of vent art I did when I was feeling paranoid, anxious, and depressed. I have found that drawing really helps me when I feel this way. When I was in 6th grade, nothing was helping me and I felt like I was drowning while watching everyone else breathing just fine. I started to see my family slowly falling apart and I had always kept everything bottled up inside.

I was at the point where I was hearing and seeing things and I developed the feeling of being stalked by someone who was waiting for the right time to strike. One day, I decided to wear long sleeved fingerless gloves because I thought (and still do to this day might I add) that they looked cute. That day, everything seemed to be going amazingly, that is until one of the kids who would constantly bully me pointed at the gloves and shouted "Oh my god! Do you cut yourself? Emo!"

I ran home after school crying and at night, I finally snapped and tried to end my life. (Obviously it didn't work and I'm extremely thankful it failed.) After that, I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I went to a therapist and told her everything. She then promptly sent me to a psychiatric hospital where I was evaluated and admitted.

Nowadays, I still bottle everything up for fear of being seen as weak or bothering anyone with my problems. Sometimes, I do get close to that point again. But then I draw or write or sing or talk to a trusted friend and tell my therapist whenever I see her next, and she helps me figure things out and cope with things better.

The "Darkness" in this drawing are depression, anxiety, and self-deprecation/paranoia. You can never really get rid of them because they're always there. But you can learn ways to make life with your mental illness easier and happier. Happy Mental Health Awareness Month!

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