Joseph Wilson - Suicide Prevention Month Submission
trigger warning: suicide
My name is Joseph, though it's not important. What is important is that you matter, you are loved, and you are not alone. I want to share my story in hopes that it reaches out and touches one person, that this can help one person.
I've dealt with depression since I was a child. I never knew what it was called, just that I was profoundly sad. I can remember wanting to die when I was nine. In my teens, I totally went off the rails. We were extremely poor and wouldn't have been able to afford help, even if my father didn't believe it was all in my head. In my teen years, I became extremely bipolar, while dealing with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, while struggling with sexual abuse as a child. I thought about suicide everyday. I became homeless for almost a year when I turned 17. I persevered.
I eventually sought treatment, and enlisted in the Army. In 2007, I was injured during deployment. I received inadequate treatment and reinjured myself two years later. This led me to receive a medical retirement, and I was crushed. My body was different, and useless in ways I had never imagined. I couldn't do what I loved most, and I essentially sacrificed my marriage for my career. I first attempted suicide in 2011 by hanging myself. The next episode was almost a year later, my ideations and depression, I was on razor's edge of killing myself.
My final attempt was in 2014. I swallowed a bunch of pills and ended up in the hospital for a few days. I'm not going to say that things are great, or that everything is going to be alright. I struggle everyday. I think about suicide everyday. But with therapy, and proper mental health treatment you, too , can have hope of better days.
You are not alone. You matter. You have a purpose.